Poulami Chakraborty
“Some men like Jack, some like Jill
I am glad I like them both but still…”
– Vikram Seth
“Sir, you are so talented but why did you choose such a life? I often encountered such questions which initially made me feel uncomfortable but now I think they are so ignorant about the issue”, says Chao Poran Gogoi, a young and dynamic fashion designer from Assam.
There are many issues in our life on which we express our concern, feel sympathetic and take to words for disseminating it and all that are for good. Being tabooed and often ostracized, issues, which are though important yet are not talked about.
Could you guess what I am talking about? Yes, it is about LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender). We might have acquired the highest degrees of universities or may have accumulated bundles of money in our coffer but have our outlook or mindset towards any issue that is out of the box been constructive or positive? Unfortunately, NO. We often bluster about problems but never initiate for solutions. Having different sexual preference can’t be the sole reason to boycott them from the society. Even, they have a heart which mourns if hurt. Moreover, neither it is a disease nor against the nature nor a personal choice.
Generally, people are of the notion that one can decide to become a homosexual or bisexual or transgender. These people who have developed the notion that the sex preference is a choice must make themselves aware that it is a part and work of the genes in the body of the person and hence if they at all call these persons ‘pervert’ they should blame the genes of the body instead. Studies on homosexuality by Freud and Ellis, two great psychologists, believed it to be normal outcome of development for some people.
Sigmud Freud attempted to find out the biological cause of bisexuality and considered it as a normal part of the “original libido endowment”, which meant all humans are born bisexual and it is either the homosexual portion or heterosexual portion that wins over the other. “Homosexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, no vice, no degradation, it can’t be classified as illness, but variation of sexual function”, was the statement arrived at by Sigmund Freud in his research. A revolutionary shift of perceiving homosexuality as normal was achieved by Alfred Kinsley through his research and publications. There are myths about homosexuality among the common people that it is a communicable disease which is completely unscientific and baseless.
Chao Poran Gogoi takes a deep sigh as he narrates his story, “I was working hard on my personality in knowing myself, accepting myself as I am and when I decided to come out to my family about it, their reaction left me alone as they did not find it normal, and was disowned by my family. Nobody talked to me, considered me to be a perverted and I had to face a lot of negative criticisms about my sexual preferences. I was disowned by my own brother, was a victim to their conspiracy of poisoning me to death but as God wanted, I was saved. I toiled hard and went on with my passion of fashion designing.”
All are not lucky enough like the Indian gay couples, Sameer Samudra and Amit Gokhale who formally got married after homosexual marriages are legalised in the United States of America. They took 4 years to convince their respective families followed by the ritual they awaited for long.
“I have always been pressurized to marry a straight guy as my lesbian status would be a problem in getting my younger sister married. I walked out of my home as I could not think of having sexual intimacy with a boy”, says a lesbian in Pune, who does not wish to be named. We must understand that sexual preference may vary. What should one do when he or she comes to know being a homosexual? Answer to this question is never sought, instead people become confused of the cold and suddenly changed behaviour of their loved ones leaving the former to take up to suicides or substance abuse.
Putting end to a life is no solution to the problem, the first thing on realising being a homosexual or eunuch or bisexual is to love, respect and accept oneself. One should chant the famous mantra of Tagore, “Jodi tor daak shune keo na ashe, tobe ekla cholo re…”(if nobody responds to your call then walk it alone”. One should be one’s best company even if nobody is around and sexuality or sexual preference is a mere part of life and not the life as a whole.
One should know that as the population is diverse so is their perception, thinking horizon and analytical device of the brain, which leads to opinion formation. Wasim Khandakar, founder of Mind Power Training, an organisation which heals the mind says, “No two persons are same as all the fingers in a hand are different. So far, homosexuality does not harm others morally, socially and psychological, it is alright. Mind does not have any sexual orientation; it is neither a man nor a woman.”
He further adds that, “People are afraid to come out to the society owing to the factors like – being in the minority, the fear of being ostracized in the society, sadistical criticisms etc. We need to help them improve their conditions and not deteriorate it.” The acceptance of self becomes the toughest thing for them as it is mutually inclusive of the social acceptance too, leading to the few number of LGBTs to come out to the society. This prohibition paves way for other negative consequences of which one is marrying to a straight person. “I am gay, married to a woman. It has been a remorse-filled 12 years, traversing two entirely different worlds – one fake and the other original but secret”, says a gay in an interview with a leading national newspaper. Being pressurized by the family, or for some, the fear of isolation and for others the non-acceptance of the self become the challenges in life and the decision to bury the real soul tortures them through the life along with which the family in general and the spouse in particular suffers. “Homosexuality is not abnormal in my opinion. We have read about characters like Shikhandi in Mahabharat who is from LGBT community. That means there were people from this community in past centuries.”, says Jikirani Mahanta, creative head of Little Hands Production.
The life gets tangled for them to which the often solution is either a divorce or suicide, depression and other psychological dysfunctions. The budding fashion designer speaks in a subtle tone, “It is not about sex all the time, it is about having a partner, sharing emotions and holding hands like others do.”
“My life has been different since I became aware of my senses. I was oblivion about family and a normal life. All I knew was that I am abnormal. Nobody cares to spend time with us except the time when they need blessings”, says Lovely, an eunuch, residing in the district of Bongaigaon. The presence of eunuchs proved to be a blissful factor for the residents of Block 35, Trilokpuri, East Delhi which witnessed the communal clashes between the Hindus and Muslims of that area. The situation went out of control and gauging the seriousness of the issue the group of 15 eunuchs led by Laila, threatened the attackers to go away or that they will start marching with taking off their clothes.
The question arises here that when the eunuch could make the society as their own, why can’t we make them a part of us? On conducting a survey to know about their opinion regarding LGBT issue, 90% of the people who are above 50 years expressed their disapprobation, but it is not only dark everywhere, the statistical scenario speaks of the brighter side as 70% of the youth are open to the idea of homosexuality and consider it to be normal though different. 10% of the respondents believe it as abnormal but at the same time support their rights and 20% are not sure about the issue.
The society needs to give them the free space which they deserve. People should behave sensibly and in a matured way which would help them cope with their gender issue. Mocking at them, making fun of their genes, staying away from them, making them feel like an alien on the Earth etc. can in no way bring an amicable environment. Ricky Martin, Michael Jackson, Rituparno Ghosh, Vikram Seth, Shakespeare etc. came out to the society as gay or bisexual or transgender but can we or should we think of banning their works?
What defines GENDER? Who has said that HOMOSEXUALITY is a taboo? Why do we not question before blindly following the norms set by people unknown? India will really become incredible only when we stand out to be a change in the society. Onus is on our shoulders therefore to facilitate an environment in the society whereby everyone has the right to live with dignity.
